This is part of an on-going series called Our Stories. You can find more testimonies on how God changed college students’ lives through Christian Students on Campus on the Our Stories page.
I really did not know how spiritually lost I was until the end of middle school when my family lost its youngest member, my baby cousin. At the time my mother asked me if I blamed God for taking him away from us. I answered with a simple “No”. The reasoning behind my answer came as a shock—I did not blame God because in my eyes He had nothing to do with me and I had nothing to do with Him.
Falling away from my Childhood Faith
I believed in God, but, other than that, I felt we had no connection to each other. Our relationship resembled the classmate you sit next to every year, yet never learn anything about beyond their name. I had been raised around God, and even had a childhood love for Him. But at a certain point, I don’t know when it started, I began to grow away from Him and lose my love. My answer to my mother caused me to finally realize this, and it scared me. I began to wonder what was wrong with me. Phrases from childhood began to play in my head—a faint memory of someone telling me that one day Jesus will come knocking on my door and all I needed to do was open it for Him.
Desperate for God
Three years after the death of my baby cousin I was vulnerable and desperate for the Lord. Year after year had taken a toll on me and I needed God more than ever. I cannot count the number of times that I prayed to Him, begging for Him to come knock on my door, for Him to come into me in that time of need, but no knock ever came. I was so willing to give myself to Him and open that door, but since I did not find what I was seeking I gave up on God. When college came around, I decided to live the way I saw the world live. I would not follow the Lord anymore.
Meeting Christian Students on Campus
On the first day of freshman orientation at the University of Texas at Austin, I found myself completely lost. While I was wandering around campus, I found a girl standing near a table that read Christian Students On Campus. I didn’t really want to go up to her, since I had every intention of avoiding anything related to Christ, but something made me approach her and ask for help. I remember the girl who helped me, Caitlin, and how different she seemed from anyone else I knew before. And even though I thought the encounter was wonderful, I still filed it away, thinking it was a one-time run in with Christians. The Lord made sure that was not the case.
Making Christian Connections
The entire first day of freshman orientation, I just wandered around campus. It seemed like everywhere I went, I ran into people with that same organization, Christian Students on Campus. They kept giving me fliers, greeting me. Once I even held a conversation with them, and enjoyed it! I thought, ‘Hey, this could be a sign from God. Maybe He’s telling me to go visit their events or something’. Certainly there was some irony here. Now that I’m going to college, ready to ditch the Lord, He wants back into my life, He’s starts to knock. I still held a tiny bit of hope that God was finally answering my prayers, so I went to the first event CSOC had to offer. There I met two girls who were so easy to connect with. I felt like I could pour out my entire life to them, and that in return I would receive just as much trust as I gave them. That connection I made compelled me to be more adventurous, and I decided to go to my first Bible study. I don’t remember much from the Bible study, except for how it made me feel. The words of the students touched me deeply, like a chord was struck within me and began to resonate inside. It scared me, but at the same time I wanted more of that feeling. I knew that I had to stay there, with this group.
Light and Hope through God’s Word
After the Bible study, I went back up to my room. I dug out the Gospel of John booklet that CSOC had given me, filled with a new fire inside. I had never read the Bible before, but now I felt something within commanding me to open that little booklet and read. I obeyed that command. From the very first verse, God’s word caught me, and I lingered, savoring each sentence that I read. Lying on the bed, I read John with all of the wonder and love of a child once more. After I finished reading that night, I kept repeating the verse that stuck out to me over and over again in my head:
In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. –John 1:4
Even though I didn’t fully understand the meaning behind that verse, it still touched me. In my mind, I simply saw the word ‘light’ and immediately thought of hope. In my moments of despair, God was my hope. And during orientation, He became the light that led me to His life. I’m so glad that God found me and knocked on my door through the people at Christian Students on Campus.
By: S. Seargeant
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Amen!
Such an encouraging testimony! It makes me fall in love with God all over again!
Wonderful testimony. I had a similar experience though not on campus. The Lord loved me and sought me out and brought me to the flock. Now I love Him with all my heart.
Thank you for this. So encouraging to read during our first week of classes and setting up tables to talk with others.
This is a wonderful testimony showing that our Lord seeks and pursues us, even when we feel we’re not interested in Him. He will never give up on us.